Everyone here my age is skinny, pretty, blond with straight shiny hair, and looks good in anything. Not really, but you get the idea. They’re gorgeous, perfect. They grew up on the beach, what else do you expect? But I don’t fit in here and it makes it harder for me to make friends. Don’t get me wrong, I feel at home more than I ever have in the past 10 years, but because I didn’t actually grow up here I don’t fit the mold of South African perfection. Of course I never quite fit the mold of American perfection, but that’s not the point. I have to wedge myself in somewhere, among these teenage outgoing “golden goddesses” and I’m not so sure that I can.
*sigh* Okay. My life right now is this. I have no friends in the general vicinity or even in the entire Cape province (and that’s big). I have three friends total in the whole of South Africa. Two of my friends are in London. Most of my friends are in Colorado Spings and Alabama. All day I write to them or at least read their messages, clean up around the house, write, ride my bike, go walking, read, eat, and every once in a while I cook something. The rest of the time I sit around thinking and praying that God will PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEAAAASE show me what to do next, what step to take next that will help to eventually get me to where he wants me, and to where I want me. Believe me, that’s quite a lot of thinking and praying.
I know this is a transition period and I’m probably being WAY too hard on myself and the situation, but a huge part of me is craving for normalcy, some kind of routine, and a stepping stone to the next phase of my life; I can see it, smell it, taste it, but it seems to be just out of my reach.